Solution to the Impending Energy Crisis

After my wife gave birth last month, she was itching to get back to her original figure, so she took to the exercise bike. While she was out of the gym nursing the baby, I found an old Honda alternator, hooked it up to the flywheel of the exercise bike, and hooked the alternator into a power inverter. I then plugged the television into the power inverter. Now, if she wants to watch television, she has to maintain a constant speed of at least 30mph on the bike. Otherwise, the television will shut off.

Now, I figure that if/when our daughter takes an interest in using MySpace or playing video games, I think I will hook the computer up to the contraption. No child of ours will ever be a couch potato!

Anyway, I'm working out a deal with the Chinese to install these contraptions in their prisons. They're hoping to put their political prisoners to work while also trying to manage the energy requirements of a rapidly growing economic superpower. I tried approaching Dubya with my system first, but he wasn't interested for some reason...

GOOD RIDDANCE: MTV World

Rumor has it that MTV World will be closing up shop. While some Asian activists may be petitioning to keep MTV-Chi, MTV-K, and MTV-Desi up and running, I say GOOD RIDDANCE.

It's not that I do not support Asian-American culture. I am a fervent supporter, consumer and producer of such content. But MTV World is just a cultural ghetto to which Asian-Americans have been relegated so as not to contaminate what Viacom perceives to be marketable mainstream culture. But imagine what would have happened with U2 in the 1980s if Bono and pals were relegated only to MTV-Eire. Would they have ever broken into the American mainstream?

Which begs the question: if MTV-Chi, MTV-K, and MTV-Desi were to shut down, would their content and programming then migrate to the mainstream MTV? I wouldn't bet on it, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?