SoulSnax

Arizona's Enactment of SB-1070: What are people REALLY afraid of?

2010-05-03T14:52:00.004-04:00

What are people REALLY afraid of? That the illegals will can no longer be comfortable in arizona? is that such a bad thing? They're ILLEGAL! It's against the law. A police officer's job is to enforce the law!

Some folks have suggested that the new law could lead to racial profiling of brown-skinned people. As a brown-skinned immigrant myself, allow me to honestly express how I feel about the law. Yes, I am brown skinned, AND I am an immigrant. yet I do not fear laws like this because I am not illegal. I agree that racial profiling COULD be an issue, but it's really not something I am worried about. I've been pulled over a couple of times, but it was for speeding. I was driving too fast. Exceeding the speed limit is against the law. But I don't feel like I've ever been the subject of racial profiling. I drive carefully, and I obey the law. So, I have nothing to worry about.

So maybe I should consider carrying proof of my citizenship around. Big deal. I carry a driver's license. I'd rather not have to carry my USA passport around, so perhaps the INS should consider distributing a wallet-sized document in case I get pulled over.

This law might do little to solve the problem, but one thing's for sure: Illegal immigrants are going to have to behave themselves, or keep themselves out of sight. Bad enough to be illegal, worse when they misbehave. My only complaint about this law is that Arizona passed this law without offering to issue some kind of wallet-sized proof of citizenship for those immigrants who no longer need green cards. I'd rather not have to carry my passport around with me everywhere I go.

Bottom line: only illegals should be worried about the new Arizona law. They're the ones breaking the law, not me.

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2010-05-01T21:27:00.001-04:00

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What's your Gladwell score?

2010-04-15T00:50:00.002-04:00

about four or five years ago. I dreamt I was doing a vanity search on people.google.com and I remember feeling rather ambivalent about the fact that my Gladwell score was moderately high, I think somewhere around 65… that is until I entered the name of a dim-witted acquaintance and found her Gladwell score to be around 97. I remember feeling like, "What? who the F is she?" Anyway, on a side note… if retailers started pricing things based upon what I'm going to coin your "Gladwell score," I imagine folks like Lady Gaga would be able to arbitrage their influence into cash by buying stuff cheap, then selling it to you and me for a tidy profit at a price less than what we'd be charged, given our lower Gladwell scores.

From the Archives: 11 years ago on SoulSnax

2009-01-20T03:00:00.003-05:00

...in this dream, I was working with a couple of police detectives who were trying to analyze a sort of clear, reddish liquid that had a reddish tinge. It reminded me of the juice that collects in the bottom of the meat drawer of neglected refrigerators. I decided to lead the detectives to the mortuary section of the hospital. You know, the room where they store the dead bodies in drawers and autopsy tables...

When I opened the first drawer, I noticed that the stiff, pale, drained and deflated corpse was my own. I looked at the wound in the stomach, and commented, "Whoa, what happened there?"

One of the detectives answered, "Well, you did get shot in the stomach. You know, when you tried to get the gun from that guy."

"Really? Hmm..." I remarked plainly as I tried to recall the event. Then I noticed some of my clothes, which happened to be folded neatly next to my body. As I looked at my bloodied merino sweater soaking in a pool of that aforementioned clear liquid, I couldn't help but think of the dry cleaning bill that I was going to have to pay. I closed the drawer, and then opened another one.

Inside the drawer lay my corpse, again. So I closed it, and opened another drawer, only to see my corpse again. I turned to the detectives and chuckled, "Hmm, heh... I guess I'm dead, huh?"

"Eh, don't worry about it," replied the other detective, as if they were going to take care of the rest. At this point I started to feel upset because I couldn't help thinking of all the things I had to take care of for the upcoming week.

"Really... I don't have time for that now," I muttered, trying to figure out how I could reschedule this death thing...

UPDATE 2/27/98: I mentioned the above dream to my brother yesterday and he said that he also had a dream that I died. I don't know what to think anymore.

Seven Years Ago...

2008-09-11T00:38:00.003-04:00

I remember what a beautiful day it would have been seven years ago...

Your clothes are pressed, every hair in place
You brushed your teeth and shaved your face
You sprayed cologne so you smell great.
It's a beautiful day to celebrate
The last day of your life.

Rest in Peace

Every time I travel to the Philippines...

2008-08-29T23:33:00.001-04:00

You know what game I like to play while traveling on the plane? It's a game I call "Spot the Perverts" in which the goal is to figure out which guys are coming just to get some suckie-suckie! It' kinda like Bingo, and you win if you complete a row of pervs!

FOLD

2008-08-12T18:12:00.005-04:00

Because "the past shakes hands with the future through the present."

The elderly you see today
Were children this morning.
They were born yesterday
And sang and danced and played
With their brothers and sisters and friends
Whose own parents were kids
Just a few hours before that.

We'll bury our parents this afternoon.
And our children will be born tonight,
So they can bury us in the morning.
And their children
Will grow up
And catch up
With the rest of the elderly.

Snapshots of the Elephant Dreamer

2008-08-07T18:41:00.004-04:00

Image by Getty Images via Daylife...atop my elephant, as we meander through the rainforest. The elephant's legs are my legs, sensing every bush, vine, and stone beneath us as we make our way over fallen logs and shallow streams. I recall camping trips of years past, when we'd take our horses into the mountains, pretending to be the Marlboro Man. But this time, I realize that there is no better sport utility vehicle than an elephant. Yeah, horses are quick and nimble, but an elephant's trunk is the perfect apparatus for clearing obstructions up ahead.

A cacophony of crickets, birds and tree frogs resonates within the theater of the forest. But as we approach a clearing, the curtain of vines gradually gives way to the sound of ocean waves in the distance. We step upon the soft powder of a broad flat beach. The sun lingers at just the right angle to illuminate shallow waves glimmering like diamonds floating delicately above the sand.

I can see my friends, who are already setting up camp at the far end of the beach. An intense eagerness erupts within me, as I anticipate another one of our majestic evening cookouts. Music, played on hand-carved instruments, floats upon drinks flowing merrily between friends gathered around the fire.

black gold of the son

2008-08-07T02:54:00.001-04:00

flowwwed toward our country
a rich dark brown and black
came from foreign shores
to fuel the engine of our economy
delivering loads
of prosperity and wealth
though not quite a sin
we struggled for redemption
from impending doom
because the fuel
of our economic engine
incurred a karmic debt
of mythic proportions
The year was 1861
when Cotton was King
And blood was first spilled
for the sake of slavery

Drip

2008-08-07T02:29:00.002-04:00

It's a holographic multiverse
Where every thing is densely packed
And every strand is tightly wound.
And every stroke of creativity
Is but a movement in an exercise
Of spiritual acts, each of which
Produce a bead of sweat.
And when those beads are allowed to DROP,
They flow into the river of Truth
That nourishes the veins of the Divine.

From the Archives: 10 years ago on SoulSnax

2008-08-05T20:35:00.002-04:00

Afraid of falling...
Terrified of not knowing
If I'll plummet
or soar.
reluctant to relinquish
unwilling to give,
uncomfortable taking
and living
what's mine
to give.
Just like you.
Afraid to comprehend,
or unwilling
too lazy to explore?
it's easier to ignore.

The reason I don't know what's been going on is because...

2008-07-28T19:42:00.002-04:00

The reason I don't know/remember what's been going on is because... ...it's because when you're dreaming, there's just no incentive for you to remember what exactly is taking place. You just hang out there in the dream environment, making no effort to remember anything, no effort at all to consider anything to be significant, and no effort to change the course of events. You just float around.

If your self-esteem is lacking...

2008-05-15T01:10:00.002-04:00

all you need to do is go here, and imitate your favorite celebs.

Lowest Forms of Life

2008-03-27T10:06:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to post this for years, so here goes:

I'd have to say that the lowest form of life on the planet isn't a single-celled organism, it's the paparazzi.

The second lowest form of life would probably be the consumers of their work: celebrity magazine writers and editors.

The third lowest form of life is definitely anyone who enjoys watching celebrity gossip television or celebrity gossip magazines/blogs.

Don't believe me? Look at people who care about celebrity culture:

My MacBook is not an Apple. It is a LEMON

2007-12-12T22:51:00.000-05:00

On what basis does Apple determine which repairs they will cover on Macs that are within the 1 year warranty? A month ago, Apple covered the replacement of my MacBook's "topcase" because some cracks had developed on the edge of the gray plastic panel surrounding the keyboard. They said that this was a common problem among the MacBooks. Yesterday, the gray plastic panel surrounding the LCD screen began to crack in the same manner. This part is made from the same kind of plastic, so I figured that they could fix it. Well, today, at the new W14th street store, no luck. The kid at the Genius bar very politely explained that SINCE THIS PART IS NOT CURRENTLY UNDER RECALL, IT IS NOT COVERED UNDER THE WARRANTY. Furthermore, the kid said that he'd never seen this problem on other MacBooks. Interestingly, he also said that if they see enough people coming in with the same problem, maybe they'd change their mind. That's a load of bull$#!+, don't you think? SO, my question is... Does a part have to be under recall in order for it to be repaired under warranty? Does it have to be a predetermined issue before they will acknowledge that this is a workmanship problem? I'd like to think that the nice kid made a mistake, or that there was some sort of miscommunication. But this experience left me pretty p!$$ed off at the way they handled my situation. PS: The last time I had gone to the Genius Bar, the guy tried to sell me that preferred customer thing. He smiled like a used car salesman and explained that with the preferred customer status, my computer would be fixed ahead of everyone else's. When I declined, he said that he'd do everything he could to handle my repair quickly anyways, but the next time, I might not be so lucky. I had to wipe all the slime off my computer when he was done with it. What do you think is going on here?

Random Shit about Me

2007-11-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by fellow Rice Daddy, Daddy In A Strange Land (DISL) a couple of weeks ago, but haven't gotten around to posting till now. I'm just following the rules, so here goes... I don't know too many bloggers, so I'm sending this to Feliza, Two Warriors, Carissa, Jennifer, Gil, Janette, Marty, Melissa Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.

I was born four days before DISL. You do the math.
The day after DISL announced he was writing his novel, my friend Sean asked me, "So how's your novel coming along?" I was like, "What novel? Just cuz I quit my job doesn't mean I'm writing a novel. You must have me confused with my RiceDaddy brother out in Bakersfield."
When I came to this country, I had no money and I couldn't speak a word of English. I was such a baby.
My grandfather first came to this country as a student in the 1920s. He went to school in Chicago.
When I was a kid, I seriously thought that the Philippines was in JFK International Airport. I thought my relatives lived at the airport, because that's where we picked them up whenever they visited from the Philippines.
I am probably one of the few Asian guys who can play the 5-string banjo.
I have to put a lot of effort into acting "normal" because I'm a really sick fuck. Technically, textbook insane. If you know me, you already knew that, or maybe not...
When my wife & I were planning our wedding, we decided to have it in the Philippines cuz we thought it would be fun to bring our white friends to a third-world country and have them kidnapped. Their parents were not amused:

21 - Another Film Worth Pirating

2007-11-17T04:03:00.000-05:00

If you wanna know why you should pirate this film, Angry Asian Man says it best. So click here to see why, and then pirate the hell out of this movie when it comes out. Hollywood producers should never profit from whitening a story.

Emirates Air Agent Nouman Ali WAS an Infidel

2007-10-27T00:53:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: Looks like our hard-nosed efforts paid off. Emirates returned our money the other day. It shouldn't have taken this long, but at least we got our money back. Remember, boys and girls: never let anyone treat you the way Emirates Airlines did. If they do, just give them hell like we did, and don't let up until you get what's yours. ---------- Refunds USA Oct 18, 2007 10:18 AM

Dear SoulSnax, We have received your refund request. As per Expedia's itinerary and your credit card statements, we come to know that only one ticket 176 7063673674 (your ticket) was valid. The other ticket number 176 7063673493 appears to be invalid and we are unable to retrieve this ticket from our accounting system. Due to this, you were asked to purchase a separate ticket for Mrs. SoulSnax ( ticket # 176 2102131351). We suggest that you take this matter with Expedia, as these tickets were issued and purchased from them.

Sincerely,

Nouman Ali Sr. Accounts Assistant Fares and Refunds Emirates USA 212-758-3944x274

----------

Dear Mr. Ali: No offense, but had you thoroughly reviewed the documents that we sent by mail, you would see that a refund is due immediately. Therefore, I am sending the very same documents as a .pdf attachment. Please review it thoroughly this time. It is quite clear, in the evidence we diligently presented, that our credit card statements show Emirates, not Expedia, charged us twice for my wife's ticket. Logically, it would make sense that Emirates should refund us for the ticket that we paid for TWICE. Kindly review this matter again and I'm sure you will agree with us that it would be Emirates' responsibility to credit us for the ticket. Please understand that the longer this matter remains unresolved, the more stressful this is for us emotionally and financially. If we are forced to spend more time pursuing this matter, we will have to send you an invoice for that time. So please reverse the $1629.70 charged to our Chase MasterCard within three business days. Should you find this matter unagreeable, I'm afraid we'll be forced to take additional measures to dispute this charge. And we really would prefer not to. Kind regards, -SoulSnax

----------

Dear SoulSnax,

We had thoroughly checked all the documents that were provided to us. Expedia is our processing agent and they are authorised to charge and refund the tickets on behalf of Emirates. The ticket number on the itenary and on your credit card statement for Mrs. SoulSnax (176 7063673493) is invalid. Hence we ask you to contact Expedia and have them process a FULL refund for Mrs. SoulSnax's ticket.

Unfortunately we cannot refund a "travel agent" issued ticket. This must be resolved by Expedia and can contact us, if further information is required.

Sincerely,

Nouman Ali

Fares and Refunds

Emirates - USA ---------- Mr. Ali: Since Emirates has authorized Expedia to charge tickets on its behalf, it is the job of Emirates to resolve the matter of what ticket numbers are valid . Emirates' inability to resolve its own business processes is not our concern nor the concern of any valued customer. Since you have not considered the relevant facts of this matter, I have outlined them as follows:

Whether or not a particular ticket number is valid is not relevant to our refund request. Such minutiae are a fabrication of your byzantine work processes, not ours.
What is relevant to this matter is that we were charged TWICE for the fare of ONE passenger: Mrs. SoulSnax. First charge: on 7/26, as indicated on page 1 and page 4 of the .pdf attachment. Second charge: on 8/11, as indicated on page 7 of the .pdf attachment.
We are not asking you to refund the initial charges posted on 7/26. We are asking you to refund the $1629 payment that we were coerced into making on 8/11, as indicated on page 7 of the .pdf attachment.
If you look closely at the receipt on page 7 of the .pdf attachment, you will see that the payment took place on 8/11/07 at JFK International Airport, at 10:45am, just 35 minutes before our scheduled 11:20am departure. It is clear that we were coerced into making that payment. In the United States, we call that EXTORTION, an offense punishable by law.

Please refund the 8/11/2007 charge of $1629.70 no later than tomorrow, 10/26/2007, or we will have no choice but to invoice you for the time spent processing this refund request. So far, I have spent more than 90 minutes on this matter, time that could have been spent on more productive matters. At the rate of US$95 per hour, the invoice currently stands at $142.50. A reasonable person would see that the facts are as clear as they can possibly be. I trust that you are a reasonable person. Peace, SoulSnax ----------

Mr SoulSnax,

At least you can contact them and get complete ticket details for Passenger Mrs. SoulSnax. We are unable to assist you unless and until we get the correct ticket number.

Sincerely,

Nouman Ali ---------- Mr. Ali: I do not wish to participate in this kind of charade with you, since you are unable to consider the relevant facts. Please put me in contact with your supervisor immediately. Expedia did not coerce us into paying a second time for my wife's ticket. It was Emirates' agents who coerced us by threatening to refuse my wife's passage on the flight. I have already provided you with all the relevant information necessary to process this refund. If you wish for me to do your job by contacting Expedia, please let me know where to send the invoice for the time I have spent on this matter. -SoulSnax ----------

Dear John,

We need to have a look at the original ticket for Mrs. SoulSnax that was purchased thru Expedia. Unfortunately the number provided by you seems to be incorrect. We are requesting you to contact EXPEDIA , provide them with your itinerary number and obtain the ticket number for Mrs. SoulSnax. We are unable to refund the ticket purchased directly thru Emirates , as it has already been utilised. We are considering to resolve this issue and possibly authorise a FULL refund on the ticket purchase from Expedia.

Sincerely,

Nouman Ali ---------- Mr. Ali: It is your job to contact Expedia, since you authorized them to make charges on your behalf. If I contact Expedia, I will have to send you an invoice for the time spent on this matter. To whom should I send the invoice for $142.50? -SoulSnax

----------

Dear SoulSnax,

Expedia wont provide us with the complete details due to security purposes. Hence we ask you to call them and acquire the ticket information.

Nouman Ali. ---------- I just contacted Expedia, and they gave me the same ticket number that I have given to you over and over and over again:

Ticket number for Mrs, SoulSnax : 1767063675493
Itinerary number: 120609992939

You already have all the information you need to process the refund. I know this because I am quite familiar with how credit card systems work. Please end this charade now. If you are unwilling to fulfill this refund request, then put me in contact with your supervisor or anyone else who can accomplish what you cannot. I am well aware that this is not the first time that Emirates has had this kind of problem with its customers. Extortion is a crime. If Emirates is unable to abide by United States laws, it should stop doing business in this country. Please ring me at +1 212.555.1111 once the refund has been processed. You have until 12:00 noon tomorrow to process this refund before we take legal action through our attorneys. -SoulSnax ----------

Dear SoulSnax,

We need your complete credit card number that was used when purchasing tickets from Expedia. We will be conducting an extensive search. Secondly, we dont think we should be blamed for an inconvenience that was caused by Expedia. We will take all matters to Expedia and make sure your refund gets processed in an expedited way.

Sincerely,

Nouman Ali ---------- Mr. Ali: The 12:00 deadline has passed, and I have not received any notification that our refund has been processed. You should put me in contact with your supervisor immediately. I will not tolerate any more of your fabricated excuses or delay tactics. You already know that we were unlawfully charged by Emirates, and you already have all the information you need to process the refund that is due immediately. By failing to process our refund request in a timely manner, you have been complicit in an act of extortion, which is a form of theft. You, Nouman Ali, are guilty of sariqah, السرقة. For this, we have hired an attorney who has assured us that justice will be served. Luckily for you, this offense was committed within the United States, so Hudud punishments will not be meted out. This inconvenience was caused by Emirates' failure to conduct business effectively with its partners. Whether or not you wish to conduct an investigation with Expedia is up to you and your cohorts, but it should not interfere with the immediate refund of the unlawful charge to our account. For security purposes, I do not disclose credit card information via email. If you need such sensitive information to conduct your "investigation," you can ring me at +1 212.555.1111.

----------

What protesters are NOT saying about Teri Hatcher's line in Desperate Housewives

2007-10-03T11:39:00.000-04:00

There is indeed a huge uproar among Filipinos regarding a line delivered by Teri Hatcher's character, Susan, on the September 30 episode of Desperate Housewives: "Okay, before we go any further, can I check those diplomas? Coz I would just like to make sure they are not from some med school in the Philippines." Posts on several blogs have expressed sentiments along the lines of, "It's just a character on a show full of bitches. Get over it. Don't be so sensitive, Everyone gets denigrated on that show."

True, those lines were delivered by a rather shallow character on a show full of whiny "bitches." True, everyone on the show gets denigrated. But the problem lies not in Filipinos' lack of humor, nor in a lack of perspective. The problem lies in the fact that her line of dialogue was delivered on a show and in a multi-billion dollar global industry in which positive portrayals of diversity are virtually nonexistent.

When such diversity is nonexistent, and when the only mention of Filipinos occurs in such a negative manner, it negatively shapes the perception that people have of Filipinos. This is especially true among those whose perceptions of others are shaped by the media. And in this day and age, that's primarily how people's perceptions of others are shaped - by the media. Like it or not, that is an undeniable fact.

While Italian mobsters and Irish alcoholics may appear on television from time to time, we won't see much protest from the Irish or Italians, simply because Irish and Italian actors are regularly cast in enough positive portrayals, and in many non-ethnically specific roles. They also have the benefit of their sheer numbers in this country. Not so with Filipino or Asian actors.

When we see more positive portrayals of Filipinos and Filipino-Americans on television and in cinema, lines like the one delivered by Teri Hatcher's character will seem trivial. A line like that would be inconsequential because people will have seen enough positive portrayals of Filipinos to know that Philippine medical graduates are indeed competent. But because today's television and cinema lack such positive portrayals of Filipinos, those viewers with limited contact with Filipinos or Filipino physicians are likely to draw some inaccurate conclusions about Filipinos physicians and the medical schools from which they graduated.

Unless these points are made clear, the environment in which such programming is produced is unlikely to improve.

Cigarettes are wonderful

2007-07-25T01:01:00.001-04:00

I love smoking. I wish it wasn't bad for you. When I was a smoker, smoking gave me a reason to pause, go outside and reflect, mingle with fellow smokers, etc. I think I was more addicted to the outdoor zen, social aspect of smoking than the actual nicotine.

It's not that I dislike the aroma of tobacco. I still love secondhand smoke Now that I no longer smoke, I actually relish the sweet haze of the tobaccosphere that lingers outside office buildings. It's the highlight of my day. In fact, I think it would make a wonderful air freshener scent. I'm
not talking about that stale ashtray smell. Rather, the delicate aroma of a cool, spring day lightly peppered with cigarette smoke. One variation would be to add to a hint of cedar and seaspray, to evoke memories of that walk-in
humidor on your grandfather's yacht. mmmmmmm...

Asian in America

2007-05-19T04:46:00.000-04:00

I love to tell people that when I came to this country from the Philippines, I had no money and I couldn't speak a word of "Engrish." Makes people think that I've come a long way. "Wow," they say, "I would never have guessed!" It cracks them up when I tell them I was only seven months old when I got here. :)

When I was five, we settled in a predominantly white suburb in New Jersey. It was mainly (ashkenazi) Jewish, Irish, German, Italian, with a growing number of Filipino residents. It was the '80s. When people asked where the Philippines was, I told them it was located somewhere within the airport because that's where my relatives always came from when they came to visit!

Being Asian in America is not something we really thought about when we were growing up. If anything, being Filipino-American in our neck of the woods meant being hip, cool, and popular in school. We always had the coolest toys. Our parents were all professionals, legal immigrants, and well-off. We were the "kids to watch" way back then.

It wasn't until I ventured out of state, to a private college in New England, that I felt I had to prove my Americanness, prove my legal status and demonstrate my command of the English language. But even then, that insecurity was short-lived. We barely even thought about race except as a source of good-natured, drunken jabs at one another. I delivered pizza for a while, and on some deliveries, I'd put on my best fake accent and pretend I was bringing Chinese food. It would confuse some people, but mainly it cracked people up!

It wasn't until I was really into the singles scene in New York City that I became aware of certain racial inequities. A lot of times I'd get "You're kinda hot, for an Asian guy." A lot of women (even Asian women) would tell me that they just weren't into Asian guys. I was in denial for a looooooong time about it, but when I really thought about it I realized that it was really the fault of popular media, what with "Long Duk Dong" from Sixteen Candles and other tasteless stereotypes. I really became aware of this "crisis" when I talked to a lot of Asian males in the industry. These are talented people who will never be successful because they work in an industry that still discriminates. And the more I think about how the media portrays us, it kinda borders on genocide. If you think about it, the media really is guilty of a deliberate and systematic destruction of Asian men, all in the name of profit. I try not to think about it, but the more I do, the more angry I get. So furious, it scares me sometimes. I seriously wonder if that's the kind of anger Sung Hui Cho felt. We'll never be sure, but I really do wonder. Scary, isn't it?

Anyway, now that I am happily married with a beautiful baby daughter, the awareness of my ethnicity has taken a whole new dimension. While I know that my daughter is living in a better world now, she will still have her struggles. They'll just be a little bit different. It will be up to us to equip her with the skills she needs to overcome them. At least she's not an Asian boy, so we know she'll have it a little easier! :)

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 58 D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

2007-05-17T00:54:00.000-04:00

The MPAA blows. What exactly are they trying to protect with their enforcement of DRM? DVDs? Their primary vehicle for disseminating their genocidal propaganda? TO ALL THE DVD PIRATES IN ASIA AND ELSEWHERE... Not only do I condone what you do, I actively encourage it. I ACTIVELY ENCOURAGE VIDEO PIRACY in the hope that it eats into producers' revenue, because those pseudoliberal racists don't deserve a dime for the GENOCIDAL, diversity negligent, media they produce. I encourage video piracy. I will vehemently oppose Hollywood's DRM efforts until the producers of diversity negligent media reverse their genocidal casting policies by positively and genuinely reflecting the diverse world I live in. Until then, I will obtain my media from alternative sources. FUCK YOU, HOLLYWOOD!

Solution to the Impending Energy Crisis

2007-02-26T20:28:00.000-05:00

After my wife gave birth last month, she was itching to get back to her original figure, so she took to the exercise bike. While she was out of the gym nursing the baby, I found an old Honda alternator, hooked it up to the flywheel of the exercise bike, and hooked the alternator into a power inverter. I then plugged the television into the power inverter. Now, if she wants to watch television, she has to maintain a constant speed of at least 30mph on the bike. Otherwise, the television will shut off.

Now, I figure that if/when our daughter takes an interest in using MySpace or playing video games, I think I will hook the computer up to the contraption. No child of ours will ever be a couch potato!

Anyway, I'm working out a deal with the Chinese to install these contraptions in their prisons. They're hoping to put their political prisoners to work while also trying to manage the energy requirements of a rapidly growing economic superpower. I tried approaching Dubya with my system first, but he wasn't interested for some reason...

GOOD RIDDANCE: MTV World

2007-02-18T10:57:00.001-05:00

Rumor has it that MTV World will be closing up shop. While some Asian activists may be petitioning to keep MTV-Chi, MTV-K, and MTV-Desi up and running, I say GOOD RIDDANCE.

It's not that I do not support Asian-American culture. I am a fervent supporter, consumer and producer of such content. But MTV World is just a cultural ghetto to which Asian-Americans have been relegated so as not to contaminate what Viacom perceives to be marketable mainstream culture. But imagine what would have happened with U2 in the 1980s if Bono and pals were relegated only to MTV-Eire. Would they have ever broken into the American mainstream?

Which begs the question: if MTV-Chi, MTV-K, and MTV-Desi were to shut down, would their content and programming then migrate to the mainstream MTV? I wouldn't bet on it, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

So our daughter was born the other day...

2007-01-14T04:48:00.001-05:00

...and already, people are imposing European standards of beauty upon her! Goddamn them all to bloody hell.

Eight days ago, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We thought she was perfect... until we had an Internet video conference with my in-laws in the Philippines. That's when we learned that she looks too Filipino to be perfect.

All they did was scrutinize the poor kid through the webcam, criticizing the lack of a fold in her eyelids, poking fun at her flat, flared nose and expressing disgust at her not-so-pale complexion. They even asked us to turn our kid from side to side just to see how high the bridge on her nose was! It was pathetic, almost comical.

And it's not just the in-laws who are this pathetic. Filipinos are sick, sick people. Pretty much any Filipino you'll ever meet is blindly ignorant of their self-denigrating approach to beauty. Growing up, my mother instructed me to pinch my nose regularly so that it would grow "narrow" and "tall," not wide and flat. For a race of brown, flat-nosed, slant-eyed people, it's astounding to see how we Filipinos can be so vigilant about upholding the Nazis' eugenic standards of Aryan purity.

It just breaks my heart to think that Filipinos, of all people, would see our daughter as less beautiful by virtue of her Filipino features. It would be nice if we could raise her in a world where her Filipino features (narrow eyes, brown skin, flat nose) would not get in the way of her confidence and self-esteem. But it's ironic that despite the progress made in maintaining civil rights and racial equality, it is often our own internalization of Western standards of beauty that allows our special racial characteristics to get in the way of our own confidence and self-esteem.

Sure, I've complained about this self-denigrating racism among Filipinos before. I've written volumes on the subject, addressed it in my poetry readings, even shot a satirical film about it. But I'm a father now, and it bothers me even more now than ever before. Seems that striving for whiteness is such a huge part of what it means to be a Filipino (and Filipino-American too), so much so that when I confront them about it, they look at me like I'm some mad lunatic. Like I should want nothing more than to be a white, round-eyed Caucasian. Just pick up any Philippine entertainment magazine and you'll see what I mean. No one in those magazines looks even remotely Filipino. It's all lily-white maidens and their round-eyed lovers with toothy grins, and ads for Eskinol skin whitening products.

I know that we're not the only ones who beat ourselves up by virtue of our special racial characteristics. I'm well aware of the light-skin preference amongst many African-Americans. And it disgusts me that people in Africa and Latin America have even suffered mercury poisoning from the skin whitening creams they slather on their bodies in their quest for whiteness. What disgusts me even more is how ophthalmologists worldwide continue to make a killing from the Asians who think that blepharoplasty is their ticket to beauty and social acceptance. It's a new brand of slavery, and it has very grave consequences! Why do we do this to ourselves? What can we do about it?

We all know that our minds have been infected by global pop culture and the mass media. We also know that producers of such media continue to produce content which lacks positive, accurate portrayals of people of color because WE CONTINUE TO CONSUME such media! How do we mitigate the demand for such inherently racist media? How do we inoculate our children from the lure of such pop culture?

I think I have the solution, but first I'd like to hear some of your thoughts. Do you come from a family of self-denigrating white supremacists? If so, how in the world do you deal with them? How do you deal with these issues when it comes to your children?

The SoulSnax Challenge

2006-12-27T12:32:00.000-05:00

Instead of wasting our hard-earned cash on the mainstream media that perpetuate negative cultural stereotypes, let's be a part of the solution...

That's where the SoulSnax Challenge comes in. The SoulSnax Challenge aims to mitigate the demand for inherently racist media by inoculating our children from the lure of such pop culture. Donations made to this challenge will go toward funding school projects that are consistent with the SoulSnax vision. Click here to learn more about the projects currently being funded by the SoulSnax Challenge.

OH MY GOD. I WAS AN UNWITTING ACCOMPLICE TO A PLOT TO DENIGRATE MY OWN PEOPLE!!!!!!

2006-08-11T02:25:00.000-04:00

A few months ago, my wife's brother approached us with an opportunity to participate in a potentially lucrative business venture. It involved raising the funds necessary to obtain raw materials for a trendy nutritional supplement. The supplement would be imported from Japan, and manufactured in the Philippines using local labor. This sounded like a good opportunity for us to not only make some money, but also to assist my brother-in-law in his budding business venture. Furthermore, we'd be helping to contribute to the GDP of the Philippines, something that this developing country is badly in need of. I was willing to contribute a little more than they had asked if I could just review a prospectus. But when I learned that no such material existed, I decided to just stick with the requested contribution. It wasn't much money anyway, and it was family. Anything to help out. After a few months, the materials were obtained, and the first batch of product produced. The product was glutathione, a nutritional supplement which is growing in popularity amongst the health conscious set, as well as the Philippine "celebrity crowd." Glutathione supposedly contains antioxidant properties and also contributes to "whiter, healthier-looking skin." That last part about the product's skin-whitening properties is what bothered me the most. But to make the problem worse, that very skin-whitening aspect was to be among the product's main selling points. Upon review of the marketing materials and the label write-up, I asked that my brother-in-law remove the part about the skin-whitening. I argued that promoting such racist practices as skin-whitening was self-denigrating to the Filipino people. He argued that since it is something that people want, we might as well profit from it. I responded by saying that it contributed to this Filipinos' lack of cultural self-esteem, and that it perpetuated a standard of beauty that by its very nature does not include the common Filipino. I told him that if he wanted to be a sell-out, and market this product as a skin-whitening agent, then that was his choice. But in no way was I going to contribute to such a morally reprehensible practice. He could leave that selling point in if he wanted to, but if he did, I would have no choice but to ask for my money back. He said I could have my money back, but in two months. I told him, "NO WAY!" I decided to pull my money out, plus the interest it would have earned me had I kept the money in my savings account. Now I know why a prospectus was not available when we asked for one. We had already lectured my brother-in-law about the cultural and moral implications of pursuing whiteness like that. We should have known that he was hiding information about glutathione out of fear that we would not invest. The fact that it is a nutritional supplement popular among Philippine celebrities should have been an indication that glutathione was some sort of skin whitening agent. We were misled from the start. We all know how racist Philippine pop culture is these days. I don't care if this business venture would have made me a shitload of money. I refuse to contribute to the ignorance of the Filipino people. I refuse to give in to racist popular culture and the self-denigrating behaviour it instills in our people. I refuse to contribute to the lack of pride that has led to this country's perpetual status as a third-world nation. Our people need more pride in themselves, not less. I know better than to be a part of that, though I sometimes wish I could be just as ignorant as everyone else. It would be nice to also make some cash. But then, I'd just be a part of the problem, wouldn't I? My wife and I decided to take that money back, and donate it to Gawad Kalinga in memory of my father-in-law, who passed away recently.

Another Homogenously White Sitcom from the Creators of "Friends"

2006-07-18T17:40:00.000-04:00

According to this blogpost by Lisa de Moraes, "Friends" creator David Crane had some pretty lame excuses for his new show's all-white ensemble. Needless to say, there was a lot of disappointment from critics. As I've suggested before, I think people should just stop complaining and put their money where their mouths are. If you don't like what's on television, don't watch it. Give it a "thumbs down" on your TiVo remote. If you want diversity on television, create it yourself, or give your financial support to those who *do* create diversity. You really can't blame the folks who create those homogenously white shows. These folks are predominantly white, so what do you expect them to create? People generally create what they know. Furthermore, including non-white characters puts producers at risk of unintentionally portraying them in a way that might offend non-whites. So, to play it safe, they just write what they know. There's also the perceived impact of diversity upon TV ratings/box office receipts and subsequently lower revenue. Now, it would be nice if David Crane were up front and honest about these fears. In any case, my recommendation to everyone is to vote with your dollars. If you don't approve of homogenous casting in the media, don't spend your money on it. Spend your hard earned bucks on diversity and keep it away from the homogenous Hollywood studios. Follow the example of the Chinese: Not only do they create some fantastic cinema of their own, they keep money away from the culturally ignorant producers of Hollywood by flooding the market with pirated DVDs of Hollywood films!!!

What About Brian?

2006-04-22T19:40:00.000-04:00

Lost has been lauded for its diverse cast, but now their creators have come up with a new show, set in Los Angeles that looks like an hour-long manifestation of an Old Navy commercial. Except the cast is entirely made up of white people. It's as if the creators of Lost were told by the network that they need a new show that was more "traditional".

Asian guys have small pricks?

2006-02-15T01:02:00.000-05:00

Asian guys have small pricks? hahahahaha!! That's a stereotype I had never heard about until recently. But it's really pretty funny, if you think about it. I mean, how did that notion ever come about? Now, I really wouldn't know if there's any truth to that rumor, but I'm gonna venture a guess that it must be true for the most part. Otherwise, how would that notion have developed? Now here's why I think this small penis thing is true... Hear me out: Everyone knows that Asians have a tendency to be very smart and practical when it comes to how they spend their money. They're always looking for the best deals, and they want the most value for their hard earned cash. But how can one explain the popularity of import cars among so many Asian guys? These fellas spend more money on worthless little doodads to trick out their puny little rice-rockets than those rockets are worth! The only explanation for this anomalous impracticality is that it's easier to enhance one's ride than it is to enhance one's little weiner. This tendency to compensate for certain shortcomings might also explain Asians' fascination with brand names. In May, when I traveled from Shanghai to Beijing, to Hong Kong, I couldn't help but notice how label-conscious they are over there. It's all Bally-this, Louis Vuitton-that, Gucci-this, Prada-that. (See my previous post on ASIANS & THEIR LABELS) What do you think? Can anyone come up with a better explanation?

My New Year's Resolution

2006-01-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

No Taxation Without Representation Let's End the Racial Subjugation Tax of Mainstream Media I have been known to bitch, moan and complain about how the mainstream media perpetuate negative stereotypes of people who look like me. But what have I ever done about it? Not a whole lot... until recently. A friend once told me that in this country, "we vote with our dollars." When I reflect on that statement, I can’t help but think about all the votes I've cast in support of the kind of media and entertainment that I disagree with. Over the course of my life, I've spent thousands of dollars on movie tickets, DVDs, Broadway shows, and other mainstream garbage that do nothing to help our image. I’ve cast thousands of votes in support of media executives who have made business decisions that deprive Asian-American actors of the chance to develop and grow in their careers. I’ve unwittingly supported an industry that casts Asians as bumbling minstrels, dweebs, or outsiders, relegated to ethnicity-specific roles on the periphery of human experience. Media that perpetuate the stereotype of Asian men as effete, asexual, and one-dimensional. Our women as dragonladies or sluts. In short, I’m the one who’s at fault for the inequities about which I complain. Everyone who consumes mainstream media is at fault. My new year's resolution is to do as much as I can to keep my hard-earned dollars from supporting the media that conflict with my vision. Beginning this year, I’ll make sure that my votes go to media that support non-stereotypical depictions of Asians, as well as other ethnicities. This year, I’m voting for media and programming that are inclusive.

Because TiVo regularly collects subscriber data, I’ll do what I can to make sure that the data from our TiVo box reflects my support of programming that works beyond the stereotypes. With that in mind, I’d like to highlight a couple of shows that I’ll be recording:

Book of Daniel (http://www.nbc.com/nbc/Video/?c=Book_of_Daniel/daniel_promo_121505&n=book_of_daniel): According to www.angryasianman.com, “He's the adopted Chinese son of the Webster family, described on the website as ‘a handsome and cocky high school jock with a wicked sense of humor.’ The guy is a player, a troublemaker, and popular with the ladies. Some have described him as a ‘lothario.’ Either way, you don't normally see an Asian guy like this on TV, and it's kinda revolutionary. Here's a video clip of Ivan talking about his character. Adam even has a fictional blog on the NBC site. His current storyline involves his girlfriend, a white girl, whose parents forbid the two from seeing each other. Why? They're racist. Says the mother, ‘I have no intention of watching little Oriental grandchildren running around my Christmas tree.’”
Lost (http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/): A multiracial, multiethnic cast that reflects the humanity of all people.
Grey’s Anatomy (http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/): Uh, can you say Sandra Oh? What a cool chick. I know it upsets a lot of guys that she’s not your typical demure china doll who covers her mouth when she giggles.

Anyway, I’ve already bought my copy of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I’ve spent a little money on tickets to some NAATCO (www.naatco.org) performances in New York. I’ve also seen a few movies at the ImaginAsian Theatre in on 59^th Street. I’m currently compiling a list of other media that I need to support. I know that there’s more enlightened media out there. I just need to find it, and I’ll buy what I can. If I had more money, I’d buy it all. Hell, if I had the money, I’d conduct a hostile takeover of Paramount or Universal. But for now, I’ll vote for what I can afford. A DVD here, a movie ticket there…

But I need your help. If there’s anything noteworthy that is in line with what I’ve said, please let me know about it. If you’d like to join me in my endeavor that’s cool too. Let’s spread the word. Vote with your dollars!

Namaste.

Here's a great article outlining the rationale for such a campaign. I especially love the last line in the article, "Our children's future self-image depends on what we do now.":

MONEY, MEDIA & The Asian American Image

And here are good places to start:

And here are other related links:

Filipino 'People Power'

2005-12-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

In a follow-up to my previous rant, here is an editorial that suggests an approach to the mess: Filipino 'People Power'

HITLER WON

2005-12-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

I want to be proud Of the person I am. Proud of my culture. Proud of my people. I want to be comfortable In my own skin. But it's a useless endeavor when one tries to be proud of those people Who are slaves to a culture That worships false gods And a standard of beauty That denigrates them. It's a useless endeavor when one tries to be proud of those people Who venerate Hitler, And commit genocide Through the self-mutilation Of bleaching their skin. It looks to me like Hitler won the white-supremacy part of his campaign... in the Philippines of all places. I'm just so totally blown away at this phenomenon of Filipinos who use skin whitening lotions and soaps. Filipinos are BROWN. God made them that way. But now they want to be white? Cracks me up. But then I realize that Filipinos have always been inherently racist against themselves. It's a very big part of their culture. But they don't even know it cuz they're socially "asleep". For example, how many times have you heard the words "ganda", "guapo" and "mestiza" in the same breath? I swear, the Philippines is a nation full of self-denigrating Nazis. Congratulations, Adolf Hitler. You've won the hearts and minds of my people.

Filipino-American Spy Caught by White House

2005-10-06T02:46:00.000-04:00

jeeez. what's next? Anyway, here's some background/theory: Philippine president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has been a close ally of the Bush administration ever since they coincidentally both took office as presidents of their respective countries on the same day (1/21/2001). Like George W. Bush, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's father was also a former president. Furthermore, Arroyo has become an even closer ally of the Bush administration since she offered almost limitless anti-terror support and resources post-9/11... Fast-forward three years to the Philippine presidential election in late 2004: Arroyo was trying to run for another term as president (as was George W.)... She was in serious danger of losing the election to a guy known as Fernando Poe Jr. (AKA: FPJ). FPJ was a very popular action star in Philippine cinema. In the Philippines, popular actors often get elected to public office, since the majority of Filipinos lack the education/critical-thinking skills to make informed decisions. It wouldn't be so bad if these actors-turned-polititians were competent and well-intentioned. Unfortunately, history has shown otherwise (Arroyo was actually just the vice president who took over after the last actor-turned-president, Joseph Estrada, was ousted on 1/21/2001). The sad thing is that FPJ was just as uneducated as the masses who supported him, while Arroyo is a well-educated economist from Georgetown University. Worse still... for most of the 2004 campaign, FPJ held a significant lead against president Arroyo. And this guy was the only candidate who wouldn't submit to a debate. And it was obvious what he was afraid of. There were many reports of FPJ taking crash-courses in economics, law, trade, etc...! Anyway, it seems to me that if Arroyo was in danger of losing the 2004 presidential election to a pea-brained action hero, not only would it have been detrimental to the Filipino people; it would not have been good for the Bush Administration's anti-terror efforts in Southeast Asia. Needless to say, Arroyo ended up winning the election by a very small margin. Interestingly, FPJ reportedly suffered from severe depression and kicked the bucket shortly thereafter. Sadly, the candidate whom I think would have made a fine president, Raul Roco suddenly died this past summer. That makes two out of the six or so major candidates who have died since the election. go figure... It seems like this White House spy was bent on exposing the alleged US government's efforts to rig the Philippine election to keep Bush's buddy Arroyo in power. While this kind of election-rigging may seem unethical, I personally believe that in a country where the masses are poorly educated, elections (and other implements of democracy) are useless. The majority of Filipinos (though not all of them) are just about as intellectually bankrupt as they are destitute, and it isn't necessarily their fault. It is my opinion that the Philippines could benefit from a couple generations of a "Father-knows-best" government or a "benevolent dictator" whilst education systems are overhauled. Anyway, that is just my opinion on what might have gone down in that White House spy case. I can only wonder if this makes sense to those of you reading this! http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=1187030&page=1 http://www.americandaily.com/article/9555

Pinoy Wanna-be Hotels

2005-08-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

Pinoy B&B Everyone wears chinelas & maybe even sarongs. Tops optional. No potpourri, just the aroma of Spam & fried fish wafting through all the rooms. Breakfast consists of steamed rice, bistek, green mango with bagoong, and a tall glass of calamansi juice. Guests greeted by a rooster at front door. All guests stay in the same room. No beds, just banig mats and mosquito nets. Each floor has a barrel of water & tabo in the corner for all guests to share. Airport shuttle is a breezy tricycle or jeepney. Exclusive Pinoy Hotel Paper-bag test: Guests must hold their arms up to a brown paper bag, and if their skin is darker than the bag, they are not permitted entry. No credit cards necessary, just a prestigious family crest. Breakfast is a scone, seved with butter and honey, fresh fruits, and a cup of tea. Staff consists of flamboyant men & mestiza women, offspring of local women who were knocked up in the mid-eighties by German tourists on sex tours. If not for their mothers' height gene, they would have been models. Everyone speaks Castillan Spanish or "coño" English. Bellhops only handle matching sets of luggage. Airport shuttle is a spotless white 1968 Buick luxury sedan. Trendy Boutique Hotel Hotel staff wears all black and maintain chic expressionless faces (with the help of botox). Minimal lighting provided by gas sconces mounted on exposed brick walls and columns, Thievery Corporation piped throughout hallways. Breakfast consists of designer crépes and guava juice (because it's "in"). A DJ works the omelet station which also converts to twin turntables. Airport shuttle is a black, tinted Ford Expedition.

My New Biznezz Cardz

2005-07-30T12:54:00.000-04:00

I just got new business cards printed. It's just a card with my name on it. No address, phone# or email address. Just my name, cuz that's all you need. If you're not resourceful enough to track me down, you're not worth doing business with.

Are you SLANTED?

2005-07-12T22:51:00.000-04:00

Very thought-provoking movie. I can only guess what the guys behind this film were trying to tell us. http://mywebpages.comcast.net/soulsnax/Slanted.mov

Racist Mad-Libs

2005-07-05T23:01:00.000-04:00

Simply replace all instances of "Mexican" or "Mexico" with "Philippine" or "the Philippines," and this blog post regarding racism in Mexico could easily apply to the blatantly institutionalized racism that exists in the Philippines: Mexican Officials Must Come Clean on Racism

Where The White Women At?

2005-06-29T00:34:00.000-04:00

Tragically, a family friend (who was a US citizen) was shot and killed outside a bar in a foreign country a few weeks ago. The police have the getaway vehicle, and they know who did it. But the assailant is still a free man. Rumor has it that the suspected killer is the son of a prominent judge in that country. Friends and family have begun a letter-writing campaign to local US senators in the hope that the US Embassy and FBI intervene in the murder investigation. But since our friend was neither white nor female, I highly doubt that his case will be prioritized. Though this case has appeared all over the overseas media, there's little chance it will be covered here in the USA. You know, I've been trying not to say anything about this for the past several years to avoid appearing too much like a contentious and subversive rabble rousing mass media critic. But apparently, I'm not the only one to take notice of the mass media fascination with white women in distress. Related links: Where the White Women At? (White) Women We Love Some say missing minority cases ignored Cops blame director's family for slow investigation

HONG KONG is like...

2005-05-13T21:41:00.000-04:00

What a supercity. It's like someone took the ingredients of other cities, and masterfully assembled them into what is now Hong Kong. Hong Kong has:

The finance and banking of New York
Mountainous scenery of Vancouver
Tropical flair of Miami beach

I've stayed in SO MANY HOTELS over the past few days...

2005-05-12T13:49:00.000-04:00

I've been to so many hotels over the past few days that I can't remember what my current room number is!! I feel bad for the poor folks who are on the elevator with me. I thought my room number was 710, but then I realized that maybe it was room 504. Now I think it might actually be room 805. But I've already pressed buttons for the 7th floor and the 5th floor. I think I'll just wait till everyone gets off the elevator...

NO WONDER THEY HAD SARS

2005-05-12T12:30:00.000-04:00

I'm on Air China flight CA101 Beijing to Hong Kong: There's this guy across the aisle from me picking his nose like mad, all while reading a newspaper. A Chinese-American friend of mine warned me that old Chinese men lack good personal hygiene here in China, but I wasn't expecting this! JEEZUZ! His index finger has totally disappeared into his nose! Is he trying to scratch the inside of his brain? What the hell is he digging for? HOLY crap! The lady next to him doesn't seem to give a shit that he's sprinkling his boogers right on the empty seat between the two of them. WHOA! I thought he was done. Now he's about to renovate the other nostril. Man, what the hell is up there? Now I'm curious to see what he actually digs out. Thank GOD he's across the aisle from me... But this makes me wonder what boogers were sprinkled on the seat that I'm in now... ewwww

ASIANS & THEIR LABELS

2005-05-09T13:25:00.000-04:00

It's quite comical to see these Asians with all their luggage, wallets, bags, and clothing blatantly sporting so many labels, logos, and emblems. Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Bally. I'm sure that these labels help to instill a sense of otherwise absent self-confidence and pride in these people. But after seeing the massive quantities of those emblems in the flea markets of Shanghai, the brand equity seems so much more deflated. The prestige associated with sporting those emblems seems to be a bit diluted.

2005-05-06T09:29:00.000-04:00

05/06/2005 For the nth time, i'm wondering what the hell I'm doing going to china. It's been a while since I've been to a country where I didn't speak or understand the language. And unlike other foreign countries I've been to, it's not like I could even pronounce something by reading it. I'm actually concerned about how i'll be able to find my way around. Now, as we are about to land, there's an anxiety that I haven't felt in a very long time. I've been to morocco, prague, vienna, Bosnia, Croatia, and I've managed to get around. Though in those places, I've at least studied one of the languages spoken there or at least learning how to pronounce their alphabet, and then deciphering signage by their cognates... but CHINA? I have a tough enough time getting around in New york's Chinatown. Now, I'm going to a place where there are a BILLION of them. Lord help me. I might as well have traveled to another planet. I should be grateful though. It's good to know that there are still places on this planet where a westerner can go to be thoroughly disoriented. If this place is as enchanting as the tourbook makes it out to be, I wonder why there are so many chinese who have left. We are now at an altitude of 5000 feet, and about to descend upon Shanghai. I'm wondering what it will be like to set foot upon Chinese soil. Will it be any different? Will I weigh the same?

I'm Alive

2005-04-22T13:47:00.000-04:00

Right now, I feel as if I've been alive for just a few days. Not that I've been reborn, but more like I've risen from the dead. A death that, to me, was nothing more than a serious illness. A stagnant state of being to which I had consigned myself at one point. A death that I had surrendered to, come to terms with, and learned to accept. I have a faint recollection of the emotions that passed through me upon noticing the first signs of my flesh beginning to rot, and my gradual acceptance of this transition. Spending the rest of eternity in my coffin, just me and my putrid corpse. I don't know why. It's not like I've been depressed, or lonely, or anything like that. Just a feeling, like I was dead the other day, and now I'm walking around again for no reason at all.

It's not that I'm gullible...

2005-04-21T00:52:00.000-04:00

When people tell outlandish stories, I am inclined to believe them. It's not that I'm gullible; it's cuz I've actually seen some really crazy shit out there. In fact, when I do tell stories of the crazy shit I've seen, people tend not to believe me.

Dreaming of Twins...

2005-04-05T20:15:00.000-04:00

No, it wasn't a Doublemint commercial. These twins were about four or five years old, arguing with each other. They were calling each other names, and one of the twins called the other "aftabuh." After trying to figure out what he was saying, I realized that he called his twin an "afterbirth." The other twin said, "No, I'm not. I was born first. You're the afterbirth!"

Urban Beauty

2005-04-02T11:05:00.000-05:00

The other day, I was walking down the street in Newark. As usual, I had my eyes fixed to the sidewalk below to avoid eye contact with the natives. I was also trying not to trip over the cracks and potholes, and the occasional condom or clump of dogshit. In front of a Baptist church, there was this one pigeon mozying towards the front steps, looking up in anticipation of a tasty morsel from a ragged old elf who looked like a dingier, overgrown version of a lawn ornament. The man leaned forward, brought his hands to his mouth, his fingers working carefully to avoid spilling any crumbs as his tongue came out to lick the gummed edge of the rolling paper... As my gazed returned to the sidewalk, the pigeon continued to shuffle left and right, positioning itself like an outfielder about to catch a fly ball.

Persistent Vegetative State...

2005-03-31T07:21:00.000-05:00

We were cleaning out my former boss' office this week (I had her axed a few months ago) when we discovered that one of her plants had died. After my boss was axed, we tried as much as possible to maintain her plants but there were just too many of them. After I tossed out the dead poinsettia (which was at least seven years old), my new boss asked me what happened to it. I told her, "well, the thing was in a persistent vegetative state, so we stopped feeding it."

Treat Me, Specialist, for I Have Stressed

2005-03-28T10:24:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, my wife took me to the spa to get a "Corporate Stress Relief" package for my birthday. Before each procedure, I was asked, "How long has it been since your last massage? How long has it been since your last facial? and How long has it been since your last manicure?" I wondered why that was important. Could they tell that it had been more than a year since I had any spa treatments? Were they about to chastize me for not coming in sooner? Did I really look that stressed? It kinda reminded me of Catholic school, when we would go to confession. Before each spiritual cleansing, the nuns taught us that we should begin each confession with "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [one month/two weeks/ten days] since my last confession."

smart but shady

2005-03-26T23:33:00.000-05:00

There was this cardiologist who bought some property in an area of the inner city, with a large black population. On one half of it, he built his Cardiovascular Disease clinic. On the other half, he built a Checker's fast food franchise.

Johnny's Corndogs

2005-03-12T23:20:00.000-05:00

I really dig hot dogs and beer, so I naturallly thought corndogs in a beer batter would be a tasty treat. I couldn't find such a recipe anywhere, so I came up with a one of my own. You'll dig this one:

INGREDIENTS Batter: 1 cup cornmeal 1 cup pancake mix 1 tablespoon baking powder 1 tablespoon sugar 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground black pepper 1 teaspoon crushed chipotle pepper (I made these in my smoker, but you can substitute chilipowder) 1 teaspoon dry mustard 1 tablespoon cornstarch 1 cup brown ale Dogs: 10 hot dogs 10 wooden skewers or chopsticks cornstarch Safflower oil, for frying

In a large bowl, combine the dry ingredients for the batter. Stir in the brown ale, and whisk until batter is smooth. Consistency should be firm, but not dough-like. Let sit in the fridge for about 15 minutes. Begin to heat the oil. Insert the wooden skewers into each hot dog. Then, using your hands, rub just enough cornstarch onto the hot dogs to create a dry surface on the skin. This will help keep batter on the hot dogs when dipped. When the oil reaches 375° F, hold each hot dog by the skewer and dip in the batter to coat evenly. The best way to do this is to use a tall, narrow mug filled 3/4 with batter. Once the hot dog has been evenly coated, quickly but carefully insert hot dogs into hot oil and fry for 3 to 5 minutes until golden brown. Fry two to three at a time. Corndogs should not touch while frying. When finished frying, shake off excess oil, and dry on a cool oven rack. Serve with beer. Corndogs this tasty dont need condiments, but a light bead of yellow mustard wont hurt.

I have these dreams...

2005-03-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

Quite often, I have these dreams that seem to be fantastic visions of the future. Who knows, it could be clairvoyance. A couple mornings ago, I awoke from a vision where flat-screen displays were not just displays, but also scanners and media players. I know... the way I just described it doesn't seem so revolutionary, but you have to pay attention to how this appeared to me: The display was turned on, and while there was already a whole slew of content available, what I had wanted to access was on one of those ancient DVD disks. So I held a DVD up to the display, and the entire contents of the DVD were downloaded into the system. Since this was one of those double-sided DVDs, I had to flip it over to download the rest of it. This happened instantaneously: I'd hold it up to the display for a second, then I flipped it over. When once I had dumped the contents of the DVD into the media system, I was able to view our wedding video. There were also some photographs that I wanted to dump into the system, so I held up all sorts of photographs to the display. All it took was a quick slap or a swipe of the photograph over the display for it to be dumped into the system. After that, I had unlimited access to the media, and I was able to do with it as I wished. Same went for old documents. Theoretically, one could quickly thumb through the pages of a book in front of the display and then have the book read aloud a la audiobook. What made it possible, I think was nano-scanning modules built into every pixel of the display.

Mango Martinis

2005-02-13T02:06:00.000-05:00

Of course, there's no such thing as a mango (or apple, or chocolate) martini. They're just a bunch of fruity drinks in martini glasses... "So how do you like the vodka one compared to the gin? it's a lot smoother, right? Like, it's not as sour?" asked the waitress, Kerry. "well, they seem to like the vodka one better, but I think they're both pretty good. I mean, the gin one tastes like the green mangoes, while the vodka one tastes a lot like ripe mangoes." "So, whaddaya think if maybe we served the gin mango martinis with a little green-colored liquor, while the vodka martinis we served in the usual yellow-gold?"

No doubt they're products of their school system

2005-02-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

I attended a symposium at the Philippine Consulate Center on 5th Avenue the other day. It was given by Congressman Joey Salceda. One of the things he brought up was the fact that of all students taking a standardized test in English, math and science, only nine percent of students scored above 50%. Well, when it came time for questions and comments, a good chunk of the audience made it known how offended they were by those statistics... The audience had proven that they were products of this same educational system. The place was a zoo: people talking out of turn, making rude, unprofessional comments, making incoherent statements about unrelated topics. What a riot. You can't blame these people for their intellectual flaws. After all, they're just products of a flawed school system. Reminds me of some comments that Dr. Lenora Fulani made regarding parents of NYC's inner-city. Basically, she claimed that they were stupid, not because they were inherently predisposed toward stupidity, but because they were products of the NYC school system themselves.

The Airport? That's where my relatives live.

2005-01-14T01:36:00.000-05:00

Yeah, when I was five years old, I used to think that my cousins lived at the airport. Cuz every time they came to visit, that's where we'd pick them up. And whenever they were going home, that's where we'd drop them off. So that's where I thought they lived.

Magic Garden

2005-01-12T23:42:00.000-05:00

Speaking of 1970s childrens' television programming, remember these chicks? They seem to have aged rather nicely. Too bad you didn't get to grow up with these babes if you weren't in the NYC area. "See ya, see ya! We hope you had a good good time. Oh yeah!!" You see, marijuana and children do mix! Turns out they still do appearances every now and then, at places like my alma mater, and various performing arts centers.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages, Time to Get Your Picture Pages...

2005-01-11T23:55:00.000-05:00

Time to get your crayons and a pencil! Picture pages, picture pages...

Are you the kind of person who clicks on SNOOZE whenever your To Do list alerts you to something to which you gotta attend? I was looking through my Palm Pilot today, when I realized that I'd been meaning to get my mommy to get me that Picture Pages book so I could follow along with Bill Cosby and Mortimer Ichabod Marker while watching Captain Kangaroo.

I know I've been hitting snooze on this item for the past 23 years, but I'm dying to get my hands on that Ichabod marker that makes that funny sound when you draw with it. I wonder if it's too late. How cool would it be to have one of those markers at work???

Here's a little site devoted to the show.

Where will all the pinoys work?

2005-01-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

If these forecasts are accurate, will the Philippines still be able to export its labor force? http://www.wired.com/news/avantgo/story/0,2278,65408-,00.html for further reference: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.06/philippines.html

Stupid Mexican [Government]

2005-01-09T01:28:00.000-05:00

If the Mexican government had any brains, they'd put their money into creating a country in which its citizens would want to stay. You know, education, infrastructure, job creation... stuff like that. But instructional comic books that give tips on how to enter illegally into the USA? Despite popular opinion, I really didn't think Mexicans could be that dumb. Maybe I was wrong.

The Adventures of Roundeye, Volume II

2005-01-08T01:32:00.000-05:00

My friends' parents freaked when they found out that they'd be going to the Philippines for our wedding. They asked, "Um, why are you going to the Philippines? Don't you watch the news? You might get kidnapped!"

Once we got to the Philippines, one of the first things I did was send their parents Photoshopped pictures of my friends getting kidnapped.

Comic Relief:

Before Comic:

Original Image:

Fishing Surgeons

2005-01-07T01:27:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, fishing with my dad, people were always amazed at my dad's technique for tying knots on his fish hooks. Nowhere else had anyone seen knots like that on a fishing line. It wasn't until recently that I found out. My aunt tells me that for a few years before I was born, my father had been a surgeon. Tying up surgical-grade sutures was a regular part of that job. I guess that with the frivolous nature of malpractice cases, he got tired of paying those exorbitant insurance premiums.

If I believed in reincarnation...

2005-01-06T23:42:00.000-05:00

Speaking of suicide... if I really believed in reincarnation, I would have killed myself by now. It would probably be easiest way for me to start my career all over again.

I'm thirty, married, and living in the ghetto. When I was growing up, the last place I ever thought I'd be living was in the ghetto. But I'll tell ya one thing: one good thing about being broke is that I know my wife didn't marry me for my money. Interestingly, we've set ourselves the goal of making our first million within the next two years. First million what? Pesos? no problem. I'll let you know how that goes.

SUICIDE

2005-01-05T02:32:00.000-05:00

I'm not suicidal, but if I were, I'd have to do it in style. Overdosing, asphyxiation, and hanging are so 20th century. And slicing my wrists open is not quite my cup of tea. In the 21st century, it's gotta be about shock and awe. If I really had to off myself, I'd douse myself in gasoline, jump off an airplane on a moonless night, and strike up a Zippo... Over Central Park, or maybe even the Grand Canyon. Yeah, the Grand Canyon, that would be so cool!!!

Not My Thoughts

2005-01-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

I have no control of the thoughts in my head. I write these words down as I lay in my bed. Though I write every line, These thoughts are not mine. I guess they'll live on long after I'm dead.

Who wants to marry Carrie?

2005-01-01T11:23:00.000-05:00

There once was a girl named Carrie
In search of the RIGHT guy to marry.
To help find the RIGHT guys,
Her mom got her new eyes.
But the guys found her wedding plans scary.

A Rican Limerick

2004-12-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

This limerick is about a guy I used to work with:

Miguel was a proud Costa Rican With an unusual style of speakin' He pronounced his Ys like Js With every accented phrase And he hated being called a Puerto Rican

The Adventures of Roundeye, Volume I

2004-12-29T01:31:00.000-05:00

This photo is part one in the series The Adventures of Roundeye.

When we got married in January 2004 (damn, it's been almost a year!), we brought our friends along to the Philippines for our wedding and our honeymoon. My friends and I agreed that it was the best honeymoon we'd ever been on.

Needless to say, our friends' families were pretty fucking ignorant about our destination wedding. "You're going where? The Philippines? Don't you watch the news? There's terrorism there!" Of course, they were basing their assumptions not only on sensationalized American news reports, but also on US State Department warnings discouraging travel to the Philippines because of isolated incidents in the remote southern region. My response to all that lunacy was, "Oh come on... That's like saying 'don't go to Hawaii because of what happened in New York City on September 11, 2001.'"

Anyway, we made it a point to reassure their families of their safety by photographing their (mis)adventures.

Multiple Eargasms & Brain Chemistry

2004-12-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

I've often wondered what we'd find if we were to track physiological changes in brain chemistry when experiencing multiple eargasms. Ever since I got this mp3 player, and these earphones I've been experiencing prolonged multiple eargasms. I'd have to say these indulgences are definitely having a profound effect on my brain chemistry. With the right combination of blues, funk, trip-hop & rockabilly, I've been able to put myself into such an elevated ecstatic state normally brought on by opiates. It's starting to affect my dreams to the point where I'll have these cosmic space funk symphonies in my head at night. If I could upload them to this blog, you know I would...

China's Miss Artificial Beauty

2004-12-19T03:38:00.000-05:00

These fuckers are so goddamn retarded: China's Miss Artificial Beauty Some quotes from the article:

"Feng Qian who had doctors to thank for four procedures that added a fold to her eyelids, liposuctioned fat from her belly, reshaped her cheeks..." "The first runner up, Zhang Shuang, also 22, from the southern city of Changsha, underwent 10 procedures -- more than any other contestant -- including fixing her eyelids, nose, ears, breasts and upper and lower jaw as well as softening her skin and removing body hair." "Shanghai's Cheng Lili, also 22, second runner up, had six procedures including nose and breast augmentations"

New Gimmick for all those Trend Chasers...

2004-11-20T14:11:00.000-05:00

I coulda sworn this horizontal dining trend was big a few years back, but I guess it's getting its second wind. Dining in bed... so what's next? I got an idea for the next trend-chasing gimmick: I propose opening a new restaurant in TriBeCa. We'll call it John. But instead of lying in bed, everyone will sit on toilets. Food will be served in the Brazilian churrascaria style, so you won’t ever have to get up. Instead of all you can eat, it’ll be “all the food your rectum can handle.”

Dining in Bed South Beach Style

Worms, Wormholes, and the Homeless...

2004-11-14T13:56:00.000-05:00

My wife has a nice, fit, tight body. Lately, she's been eating a lot that classy American cuisine like BK, McD's, KFC, etc... But she's got nothing to show for it. She doesn't work out much, and it's not like she's been spending a lot of time on the john. At first I thought maybe she was pregnant, or maybe that she's got worms in her stomach. This week, I noticed that the homeless people in the area seem to be getting stouter. So, now I'm thinking that maybe someone's mastered the quantum science behind wormholes. Could it be that when she eats the burger or the fries or the mozzarella sticks, the food goes staight into the stomachs of homeless people? Speaking of homeless people, there's this poem I just found in my computer. It was written by a homeless friend of mine. I only see him a couple of times a year, but he emails his poetry from time to time. Here's one that he sent me a couple of years ago: Indigo Cafe by P. M.

Baldwin in the window King behind the glass Perennially I feel like I'm way behind the class. Beauties talkin'politics Wearing cushioned smiles Chocolate chips and coffee African masks and Miles. Nothin' in my pocket Homelessness is soon How can I walk in and With all of them commune? Raindrops comin' on me I don't really care What I want is inside But I can only stare. I turn around and walk up The length of Fulton Street Hallucinating visions Of Shebas I get to meet.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I'm gonna go out and get my wife a Big Mac.